Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Role of Obedience

What role does obedience play in living the “Christian” life? This is the point in the lesson where the answers usually begin with: “we should.” I am no longer at all interested in what “we should” be doing. As a matter of fact, I’m becoming less interested in what you are doing. I am finding it hard enough to concentrate on what I am doing.

Please know that I do not think I am accomplishing anything for the Kingdom of God simply because I have a keyboard at my disposal. Writing this post is not “doing” anything. If we can read or hear God’s words and walk away unchanged, then I have no illusions of making a difference with my words. It’s not like I can phrase it better than He did, nor do I have better understanding of language than the inventor of it!

Yet I know that the words for life are contained within the holy word of God. “They wouldn’t obey my instructions even though obedience would have given them life.” (Ezekiel 20:13) Based on that and that alone, the role obedience plays in life is to give us life itself. However, we needlessly complicate obedience with our excuses and rationale. It’s ironic really. If my children give me excuses as to why they don’t obey, I punish them. There is no logical reason for disobedience. However, if I disobey my Father, I expect, and if I’m completely honest, I think I deserve, mercy and grace. I do, after all, have some very good reasons for my indiscretions.

But what about God? What are His thoughts on the obedience issue? If we go back to the beginning, (literally, in the beginning…) we find that the first sin issue in history wasn’t a sexual issue, inappropriate language, or a lack of a consistent devotional life. It was simply not following God’s instructions. It was disobedience. That one little misfortune led to serious consequences. How can we think that our misfortunes will not have lingering ramifications on our lives? Adam and Eve would surely differ with us on that prevailing notion.

So how did we get to the point in our spiritual lives where we minimalize obedience? We would never vocalize that it’s not important. In fact, we would defend the necessity of obedience with vicious rhetoric. Therein lies the problem. We verbally consent to the necessity of obedience without ever practically being obedient.

“Your people are whispering behind your back. They talk about you in their houses and whisper about you at the doors saying, ‘Come on, let’s have some fun! Let’s go listen to the prophet tell us what the Lord is saying.’ So they come pretending to be sincere and sit before you listening. But they have no intention of doing what I tell them. They express love with their mouths, but their hearts seek only after personal gain. You are very entertaining to them, like someone who sings love songs with a beautiful voice or plays fine music on an instrument. They hear what you say, but they don’t do it!” (Ezekiel 33:30-32 NLT)

What a perfect picture of our time! This passage describes both you and me. Much like the New Testament passage in which the apostle’s ask for more faith and Jesus responds that they should simply use what they have (Luke 17), the last thing we need is more knowledge or rules. We only need use what we already know. We need to stop using our rationale and start using our prudence. To continue in the same vein (disobedience) only exacerbates our issues.

So what are our issues? I think the passage sums most of them up perfectly. It begins with our insincerity. For many of us, our Sunday routines are very insincere. It’s not that we don’t want to be in church, we very much do, but the “real” us is the one left at home. We fear people knowing who we really are. We fear that if we really tell someone that we are struggling in our marriages, our finances, our parenting, or our habits, then they will judge us harshly. We would rather put on our Sunday mask with our Sunday clothes and pretend that everything is fine. The effect that has is to make everything about our worship insincere. The only biblical instructions for worship are that it be done “in spirit and in truth.” (John 4:23) In order for us to be obedient to that command, we must bring the “real” us regardless of the humiliation we might endure.

The second issue is our intentions. Do we express love with our mouths but only seek after personal gain? Of course we would deny this. The kind of honesty that it would take to admit this though is the same kind that will cause our worship to be sincere. I am a great example of this.

Years ago, I was in a difficult ministry situation. I felt led to fast for a period of 30 days. It was a very trying but beneficial time spiritually. After the fast, I expected God to give me the freedom to resign. He didn’t! In fact, it was clearly revealed that He wanted me to stay in the difficult situation. I was furious with Him. I expected Him to honor and reward my efforts by giving me what I so desperately wanted. My whole fast was revealed to be a sham because of the insincerity of it. My intentions were for personal gain not for Godliness. I am sure that you have a similar story. (Feel free to share it in the comments section.)

The third issue is actually the way we view church. I will write in more depth on this in my next post, but many of us to treat the worship service as entertainment. We like the gossip. We like to check out who is wearing what. We do this in such a way that we insure that neither worship nor service occur while we are occupied on Sunday mornings. So we, like the Israelites, hear what is said but don’t do it.

So what’s the big deal about obedience? Obedience is the only way to connect with our Father. But we misuse scripture as justification for our indiscretions. We rationalize our disobedience because we actually intended to obey. But our best of intentions is negated by our lack of actually obeying. No amount of piety can make restitution for disobedience. God is not interested in what “we should” be doing. He is very interested in what we are doing.

Friday, July 24, 2009

The Poor Loser In the Room

How does one get from a point of knowing you need to change to actually wanting to. The cycles and seasons written about in an earlier post are evidence of times when I knew I needed to make a change. But they failed because I clearly didn’t want the change. I didn’t desire it. The biblical life is very much a journey of desire. Admittedly, I am no expert on this subject. My simple musings are no road map. They are simply diary entries of a pilgrim in progress, but for the first time in my spiritual life I find myself at a point where I REALLY want change.

In the last post, we talked about the woman at Jesus’ feet in Luke 7. We addressed in sufficient detail that she understood Jesus’ grace. Her sinful past enabled her to. We discussed the fact that Simon the Pharisee did not at all understand. His right standing within the religious institution of his day created a barrier to his heart. The question that was not asked in the earlier post is: why did he, Simon, not understand?

There are probably a plethora of reasons why. But chief among them is his own self-deception. If you take the story at face value, the lesson that you could glean from this passage is that the more sinful that we have been, the better we understand Christ’s grace and mercy. Perhaps even life experience has seemed to solidify that concept, but that is NOT Jesus’ point. It’s not even the truth!

The truth of the matter is that Simon, being confident in his “goodness,” glanced at the other person in the room and began to safely evaluate his own righteousness. The problem was that he was looking at the wrong person. His righteousness was self-righteousness. His contentment is negated by a false standard of evaluation. Simon has equal sin, different in practice, but equal in substance and quantity. He doesn’t see it because the social, political, and religious norms of his day condemned obvious public sins while allowing “smaller” private sins...perhaps even celebrating them. By that measure, he is justified while she is condemned.

But the measure is wrong. It was wrong then, and it is wrong now. We still, however, measure it in the same way. It is easy for us to glance around the room and justify ourselves. To be sure, there are some in the room that we don’t quite measure up to, but we are pretty certain that they have sin that just hasn’t revealed itself yet. There is sure to be something pretty ugly in their closet. It makes us feel better. There are also some in the room that make us feel really good about ourselves because we aren’t them. They are an obvious wreck! Thank God we are not like them!

The standard of measure is not the other mere mortals gathered in the room with us but the glorious, all- powerful, risen King. By that measure, we are sunk. Understanding grace and mercy is not made possible by realizing that another’s sin accumulation smells worse than ours. It is made possible by realizing that we all have a stinky sin accumulation that makes us desperate for a Savior. We are ALL in equal need of a Savior. Until we get to that point, we will never experience grace and mercy. We will never get past knowing that we need to change. We’ll just be content to know that we are better off in our spirituality than the poor loser over there whose life is an obvious wreck. But we are all somebody else’s poor loser!

What we find is that the longer a person follows the Savior, the less aware they become that they need a Savior. We become inoculated to the truth contained in God’s word. “Son of man, you live among rebels who could see the truth if they wanted to, but they don’t want to. They could hear me if they would listen, but they wont listen because they are rebellious.” (Ezekiel 12:1-2) Our rebellion is self-deception. We hear many (ok, some) truth filled messages and hope the poor loser in the room is listening. We, like Simon, look around the room and pray that Jesus helps the poor loser because they sure do need it. Truthfully, though, I am the poor loser. So are you!

As I read today in Ezekiel 11, I was impacted by God’s words. “When the people return to their homeland, they will remove every trace of their vile images and detestable idols. And I will give them a singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart, so they will obey my decrees and regulations. Then they will truly be my people and I will be their God. But as for those who long for vile images and detestable idols, I will repay them fully for their sins. I, the Sovereign Lord, have spoken.” (Ezekiel 11:18-21)

This IS a road map for the biblical life. You should not trust in my words, nor any mere mortal for that matter, but you can be assured that God’s words are true. After nearly 10 years, I have returned to my “homeland.” Some has changed, but much is the same. The challenge here isn’t a struggle with “bad” things. Of course bad things are present. They always are! But the challenge, the idols if you will, that impinge our worship are good things. But good simply isn’t good enough. God desires more than we currently give, and he is certainly worthy of it. Do we want to give Him what He richly deserves or are we content to just know that we need to?

Sacrificing our desires is difficult. Obedience is required to do it. If we respond to Gods call, which means we have to shut up long enough to hear Him, then He promises us that our hearts will be changed. We have become so accustomed to ignoring God’s rule and voice in our lives that our heart, like Simon the Pharisee’s, inadvertently becomes hardened. But it only takes us surrendering our good things for God’s better things to reverse this trend in our lives. But we have to want to!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Grass Is Greener...?

The concept of growing where I am planted has never resonated well with me. I am constantly looking for something bigger and more grandiose. I am, quite simply, addicted to encouragement. I love being appreciated. In fact, it motivates me more than I care to admit. But God’s design and plan calls for us to be faithful. That means being faithful where we are. It means being faithful with what we have. I usually fall into the trap of thinking that if only I had then I could do something really special. But the fault of that logic merits chastening. I do not need to do something special because I define what special is. I need to remember that God IS special. I am small.

For some reason, I like, some of you, fall into the “grass is greener” trap. I want to accomplish something for God so much that I am constantly running out in front of His guidance in order to accomplish it. If it succeeds, I try to share His glory. If it fails…well that’s all on Him. It’s His will and plan.

Most of the time I feel like a spiritual Forrest Gump except that my stumbling and bumbling turn into…well, stumbling and bumbling. I try to take solace in the fact that God can take whatever I have and use it for His glory. He uses my good and redeems my bad. But when I study God’s word and see the power and majesty contained there, I’m more convinced than ever that everything that I have to give is insignificant. But our great God uses the insignificant.

For example, Jesus went to the home of a Pharisee named Simon. While there, he was approached by “a woman of ill repute.” She was a prostitute. She had a past. She had shame. She had guilt. But she was moved by the compassion of the Savior. She knelt and washed his feet with her tears. She dried them with her hair. She anointed them with expensive perfume. The Pharisee was indignant. Jesus, seeing through their exteriors, told the story of a man loaning money to two people. The sums owed were vastly different. The debt could not be repaid. The terms were renegotiated and the debt was forgiven. “Who do you suppose loved him (the man who forgave the debt) more,” Jesus asked Simon. “I suppose the one who had the larger debt,” he answered. And he was correct. But he still didn’t get it.

By the world’s standards, only one person in the room that night was insignificant. She was the one God used. “I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible,” she might have said. But now she understands feeling redeemed!

Unfortunately, I am usually more like Simon the Pharisee. He was a good man. Religious! Probably great at following rules! He would be the current equivalent to the regular church attender, very faithful in his attendance, and able to follow well the religious expectations of the day! But he still doesn’t get it.

“Speaking in the language of today, we would say that she (the unnamed woman) went ‘nuts’ about Jesus. Her behavior obviously was the behavior of a ‘nutty’ person. (We really do have to use colloquial language to capture responses to Jesus. More formal, literary, or theological language cannot do it.) When we see Jesus as he is, we must turn away or else shamelessly adore him. That must be kept in mind for any authentic understanding of the power of Christian faith. This woman, unlike Simon, was not about to turn away.” (The Divine Conspiracy, Dallas Willard, pg. 19)

When was the last time you found yourself “nuts”… absolutely, totally, completely, and irrationally nuts. What was it about or in response to? Usually when we go “nuts” it is because something has angered us or our team has scored. In matters of faith, we have sufficiently trained ourselves to be restrained. We still don’t get it!

The first time I heard a dirty joke, I was in sixth grade at NASA space camp in Huntsville, AL. It was a school fieldtrip. That night when the lights went out, a student who was new to the school (at least I had not seen him much) told a joke so vile that to this day I remember every word. And then a funny thing happened when we were in eighth grade. This same student had a love encounter with Jesus. And he went absolutely nuts. He started praying for students. He started speaking to others about the change Jesus made. It was uncomfortable, but we knew it would soon pass. He soon would become “normal” just like us. We were thrilled that he got “saved.” Now, would he please just SHUT UP! Who did he think he was anyway? Most of the rest of us had been “saved” for years. His excitement was ruining our “Christian” reputation. Unlike us, he wasn’t even a member of the campus Christian club. Somebody had to teach him how to live the “Christian” life just like us. I mean, from our perspective, he just didn’t get it! But unlike us, he just couldn’t turn away.

Several mornings ago, we shared coffee and a couple of hours of fellowship. He still will not shut up! He is still “nuts!” I could not be more thrilled. He credited his behavior, in a self depreciating manner, to ignorance. “When I read my bible everyday it never occurred to me that I should be any different,” he said. He lived what he read. That is a key to the biblical life. The measure of our faithfulness is not found in our knowledge. It is found in our obedience. (I’d love to take credit for that little nugget of truth, but I’m simply quoting my friend.)

Many times we are absolutely, positively “correct” in our theology. We are even correct in our behavior. We say the right things. We do the right things. We teach the right things. But we still don’t get it!

I was recently at a church when an announcement was made about kids no longer being allowed to run in church. I understand there could be safety issues. Someone could get hurt. But these kids were excited about going to their place to learn more about Jesus. (We can’t have excitement in church so let’s nip that in the bud right now.) The statement made was teaching kids to respect “God’s house.” (I will not begin to address the faulty theology there.) What is more disrespectful to God? Children being children and running in church, or adults who sit in church with hearts darkened by sin that we have absolutely no intention of dealing with? Please understand, I am not expecting anyone in church to be sinless. But when we grow accustomed to our sin, to the point where we have no disdain for it, then we are living a lie!

The biblical life is not about right theology. It’s not about right teaching. It’s not even about right behavior. It’s about getting it! It’s about understanding that our lives are not meant to be lived in order to check the right boxes on our religious to do list. It’s about being so in love with Jesus that we can not turn away. It’s about deciding to make a difference on this terrestrial ball that we call home. It’s about buying one less thing, that we don’t need anyway, in order to give to someone who does have a need. It’s about sacrifice. It’s about doing without so we can do more. Not because we are obligated, nor because it is necessary, but because we get it.

We have everything we need to make a difference now. The question remains…do we really want to make a difference? The biblical life is about choosing to forget your interests in order to be interested in others. There is no room for self. The prostitute poured her “self” out at Jesus’ feet. We have to as well in order to truly experience Him. The Pharisee just judged Jesus’ seeming lack of understanding and discernment. In that moment, the creation judged himself to be more experienced and wise than the Creator! It is far too easy for you and I to do the same.

My younger cousin has a tattoo on her back the reads, “Every saint has a past. Every sinner has a future.” She probably gets judged harshly for the ink on her body, but the message is one that deserves to be screamed, both with ink and with voices, from the highest hilltop. My friend understands that message. The woman at Jesus’ feet understands that message. Do we?

We still fall into the “grass is greener” trap. We get to a point in life where we trade sinful habits for religious ones, but often, we haven’t exchanged our hearts and minds. But the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. In fact, being from a rural area, I can tell you that the grass usually grows greener over a septic tank. When we exchange habits without exchanging hearts, we are only changing how we use two hours of our time on Sunday. Jesus did not die so we can punch our clocks on Sunday mornings (we often expect overtime credit for a Sunday night or a Wednesday night) and then go right back to being the same again. If we truly believe, then we are foundationally different. We need to make sure that our spiritual lives are not simply stagnant cesspools of religious activity filled with rules with no personal meaning, action with no individualized purpose, or theology with no practical life change. Making sure of that means that we get it!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Denying Safety and Comfort

Why is it that every time we experience a break- thru there are inevitable set backs? Seriously! I know after my last introductory statement this one is very anticlimactic, but I promise to write what is on my heart. At this very moment, I’m wondering why the world seems so insistent on stealing my break-thru. Why I am I so cowardly as to let it? And can you really call it a break -thru if you’ve only been on the journey for like a week?

I am still committed to living a biblical life. I am still no longer content to live just a Christian one. I do not care if my life matters. I don’t! I care very much that my Lord matters. But I am terrified of the “for now” that has wrecked my spiritual life. Every commitment (regular quiet time, consistent prayer life, treating my family as a priority, etc.) that I have made has ended at some point. So much so, that I am now cynical of myself. But that’s how I feel … “for now!”

The thing that has always bothered me most about me is how cyclical and seasonal my life is. Jesus’ life and ministry were not like that. Let me stop you before you make excuses about that being an unfair comparison and that I am only human. I am perfectly capable of making my own excuses. I’m quite good at it. I do not need your help with that. Seriously though, how much of my life can I realistically expect to look like Jesus’? Whatever your answer is, I’m sure you have short changed His expectations.

Our interest in a Godly life is limited by our definition and concept of what that is. To be sure, what it looks like to us is not what it looks like to God. Furthermore, our rationalization and reasoning for the discrepancy that exists only proves our selfishness. For example, most of us have heard and claimed Psalm 37:4 which says: “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desire of your heart.”

Almost without fail, our hearts desire is safety and comfort. But how safety and comfort are defined is subjective. It’s up to me to decide what those things mean for me. However, because we are all, in comparison to the majority of the world, safe and comfortable, we assume that God is fulfilling that promise. He is giving us the desires of our heart. But safety and comfort are NOT God’s desire for us. They are our desire for us! In fact, most of the time those things are diabolically opposite of His plan for us.

How can that possibly be? We, after all, are children of God. He will never leave us or forsake us! Our concerns are His concerns! Really? Those things are all true, but they all have nothing to do with safety and comfort, and everything to do with the biblical life. If Jesus himself did not have a place to lay his head (Luke 9:58) then how can we think God is concerned with our comfort. We don’t like hearing that. I don’t like knowing that. But if I want God more than I want anything else, then I have to look at what He actually says. As children of God and joint heirs with Christ (Romans 8:16-17) then shouldn’t our inheritance be the same as our Brother's.

What did Jesus say about His future siblings? He said His brothers (and sisters) were those who have heard the word of God and obeyed. (Luke 8:21) Frankly, our safety and comfort usually keep us from obeying the Lord. For example, I have heard many people while questioning the goodness of God, ask why there are starving children in the world. I think God’s answer is: “Great question! Why are there starving children? I provided the resources to feed them, but new cars and bigger houses seemed more important!” God enunciates this in 1 John 3:17. “But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?” Stop! Don’t read any further until you read that again!

Can you honestly still be content thinking that God values your safety and comfort? His Old Testament prophets were never safe! Or comfortable! His New Testament apostles were never safe! Or comfortable! So what do we do?

It goes back to biblical living! We all know that whatever we have is on loan from God for us to use. But is it on loan for us to use for His kingdom or ours? As we “delight ourselves in the Lord,” our perspective changes. And so do the desires of our hearts.

Today, I read Ezekiel 1-5 as part of my devotion. Pretty amazing! But what hit me the hardest was that as part of Ezekiel’s preparation, before he was given any message from the Lord, he was asked to “eat the scroll.” He took it and devoured it with the help of the Lord. It tasted sweet like honey! That has to be part of our preparation as well. We must, with the help of the Lord, devour the word of God. The last thing most of us need is more bible knowledge or more lessons that we won’t apply. What we do need is a fresh perspective. God’s perspective! I can assure you that whatever that involves, it will not include safety or comfort!

I have not intended at all to be profound. I simply want to live and write the truth. Not truth as I see it nor as I wish it were, but simply as it is written by God. Regardless of my season or cycle, His word remains true. His word remains difficult. His word remains a healer to the broken and an affliction to the comfortable. I have been comfortable for far to long. I deserve to be afflicted, and I hope it lasts longer than “for now!”

Friday, July 17, 2009

Renouncing the Christian Life

After much careful thought, I have finally decided to renounce the Christian life. I have already resigned from “professional” ministry so this is the next step. Those who know me best and those who have known me the longest will certainly be shocked. In fact, they only continue to read this in order to get to the punch-line. There is no punch-line. This is a radical life change!

I don’t mind being controversial. I don’t mind being wrong. I do mind staying the same. For years, I have struggled with this issue. I resigned from ministry because of the internal struggles that I had regarding this issue. The chasm between what I felt inside and what I saw, both around me and in me, was too great. There had to be something more. There had to be something different. I have found it!

After years of study, I have found the crux of my issue. I have discovered the bridge to the great gulf fixed between where I am and where I want to be. It is biblical living! Some of you may have read the above paragraphs and thought that I was renouncing my faith. Let me assure you that I could sooner desert my family whom I love dearly than I could my Father who loves me dearly. However, any initial emotion that you may have felt that resembled shock, disappointment, or anger only serves to prove a point that I read in 1997. Dallas Willard writes in The Spirit of the Disciplines that “my Christian fellowship circle (friends, small group, Sunday School class, etc.) will allow me to NOT follow Jesus. They will even allow me to PLAN not to follow Jesus, but they will not permit me to SAY it.”

For those of you who actually study your Bibles for yourselves, please allow me to ask you a question. Does the difference between the church you read about in the New Testament and the church you see today bother you? I long for the life and vibrance contained in the early church. I desire the community and unity written about and observed by Luke when he wrote Acts. And I KNOW that it is possible to have now. I just don’t know where to find it.

I will not use this space and these words to rant on the local church. I have spent countless hours in the past doing just that. (My apologies to those who willingly endured it.) What happens when we rant about the local church is that we become a fog horn in our communities to believers and unbelievers alike, or perhaps a burglar alarm is a better analogy. How often do you pay attention to a burglar alarm that is not coming from your house or car? You may glance occasionally at the source of the noise, but rarely, if ever, will you seriously investigate the cause of the noise. Alarms, once rare, are so common place now that they simply blend into all other noises that fill our heads. So it is with those who rant about the local church. Change never comes from occasional glances at the source of the noise. Change comes from seriously investigating the cause for alarm. And there is cause for alarm!

We, “christians,” have seriously depleted the power and majesty of our Messiah. We have created clever clichés, pithy programs, and beautiful buildings, but we have sacrificed freedom, transparency, and sometimes integrity to get them. Jesus does NOT care about our clichés, programs, or, dare I say, even our buildings. He cares abundantly more than we can fathom, though, about us. We ARE the church that the gates of hell shall not prevail against. It’s time we act like it. It’s time we become it.

It starts with us recognizing that our concept of salvation falls far short of the biblical concept for it. None of us can seriously believe that the only reason Jesus made the agonizing, ultimate sacrifice was so that we can be “saved” and spend eternity with Him. The simplicity of that, and that alone, does not resonate with the sacrifice that Jesus demanded of His early followers. It cost them something. It cost them everything. But we seldom teach that to potential converts or new believers. We soft pedal the commitment and obedience issues. We fail to mention the promised persecution that we will face. Do we feel it necessary to make Jesus more palatable than he made himself just to gather more followers for Him? Does that really make sense? Is that His expectation of us?

At the risk of sounding like a Dallas Willard publicity agent, let me use a paragraph from his book The Divine Conspiracy. “Does Jesus only enable me to ‘make the cut’ when I die? Or to know what to protest, or how to vote or agitate and organize? It is good to know that when I die all will be well, but is there any good news for life? If I had to choose, I would rather have a car that runs than good insurance on a car that doesn’t.” Pg 12

Jesus died so that we can have both. We, you and I, not pastors and missionaries, need to teach what being a follower of Jesus means in life, not just in death. But our teaching will not utilize platforms or pulpits, it will involve careful and intentional demonstration of Jesus’ words radically changing our actions. We need to unapologetically teach the things we wish the Bible didn’t say. Things like the fact that Jesus did not come to bring peace (Matt. 10:34) and many, many other difficult truths.

The biblical life is not easy because it demands. It costs. It requires something. Transparently, I do not presume to know the extent to which it actually demands, costs, and requires. But I am willing to find out. I already have the “good insurance” now it is my job to make sure my car runs. I do not want to be a fog horn in my community but a light house. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 4:16 that the believers in Corinth looking for an example to follow should imitate him. That is the confidence that I seek.

I do not know where this journey will take me. I do not know who, if anyone, will go with me. The journey will be hard. It will cost me everything. It will insure that I be persecuted as a fruitcake, a weirdo, and perhaps even a heretic. But I am really in love with my Jesus. That demands that I live a biblical life, not a “Christian” one. Again, I do not fear being controversial. I do not fear being wrong. But I am absolutely terrified of staying the same.